They put you to sleep and then you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year! After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? How could you be broke? The rest went for the memorial stone. My goodness, how big was it? A man phones his attorney and queries, "How much would it cost me to have you answer three questions?
The man says, "That's an awful lot of money for three questions, isn't it? A child asked his Mother, "How were people born? A husband and wife, who had been married for 35 years, were celebrating their 60th birthdays.
During the celebration, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for 35 years, she would give them one wish each. The wife wanted to travel around the world. So, the fairy waved her wand and the wife had the tickets in her hand for an around the world itinerary. Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman who is 30 years younger than me. A wife is scrambling eggs when her husband bursts into the kitchen.
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You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Scramble them! We need more butter. They're going to stick! Now scramble them again! Hurry up!
Are you crazy? Don't forget to salt them. You always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt! Watch while I prove it to you. May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill? My wife and I were sitting at a table at my year high school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asks, "Do you know her? I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since. It was Christmas Eve and Bill had yet to buy a Christmas gift for his wife. He walked into a nice department store, approached a counter, and asked for ideas.
Bill became agitated and said, "What I mean is, I'd like to see something really cheap. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist in town. I noticed his DDS diploma hanging on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on way back then?
Stand-up comedy - Wikipedia
Upon seeing him, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. He answered, "In Why do you ask? He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat, gray-haired, rude, decrepit idiot asked, "Oh, What did you teach? A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry.
He then says, "Ok, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry. I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner. I use shampoo in the shower and when I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body. So I got rid of that shampoo and decided to shower with Dawn dish soap. A little girl says, "Grandpa, can I sit on your lap? As she is sitting on grandpa's lap she says, "Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog. As Herman was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate. Please be careful! Jack knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in his fashion sense.
Jack finally walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings. Jack falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing it?
Funny Love Jokes For Married Couples or Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Ate salad for dinner! Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza. An elderly man in New York calls his son in San Francisco and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing.
A comedy show is now doing well if it gets four or five million. Like King, they chose to distance themselves from their TV series. Says Armstrong: "The comparison with Peep Show wasn't helpful to us. The failure to observe certain basic principles, runs this theory, has poleaxed many a Britfilm comedy.
Says King: "A sitcom is judged by laughs per minute. In film, you're working more to a narrative end. That doesn't translate to film well. That's the whole idea. But Bain believes those differences can be overstated.
It's got to have a happy ending, or a romcom arc. In the Loop makes up its own rules, which is why it works so well. The secret, he says, is "not to make a film by committee. The bigger the budget, the more people have a say" — which is why he turned down offers from the US to help fund In the Loop. But you have to be careful what strings are attached. Controllers and producers aren't the funniest people in the world, and yet the decisions about what comedies to make, and how, often rest with them.
I didn't want to dilute the film or come under pressure to change it. I didn't want loud music and explosions, and I didn't want a song at the end. Some of these external pressures apply not just to comedies, but British films in general.
Bunny and the Bull star Simon Farnaby has had "a couple of meetings recently trying to get films off the ground. And often what you hear is, 'Where's our transatlantic appeal? Can we put an American in? I don't know what it means. But in other ways, comedy is uniquely vulnerable to the culture of the committee. For a start, comedies are hard to pitch — on paper, if they're any good, they probably sound ridiculous.
Humor - Why are some things Funny?
And "everyone has an opinion about comedy," says Iannucci. But others may not have as good judgment as those who actually make comedy. And "the main challenge David [Baddiel, the writer] and I encountered," Djalili says, "is that we're standups and we have a specific idea of what's funny. But a far bigger problem than lack of autonomy, Djalili says, is lack of funds. We couldn't afford the 50 more extras we needed. Making a film is "incredibly difficult", says Dyson. On film, anything that isn't great is amplified. It's as if every British sitcom had to go up against Friends or Seinfeld.
Why are we surprised, then, when comic talents take time to adapt to this world and to master the movies? It's revealing that some of the best comic filmmakers — Bruce Robinson, Bill Forsyth, Mike Leigh — didn't make their name in comedy, with all the pressure to be hilarious that that entails. Instead, they spent years honing their cinematic skills.
We got three bites of the cherry. In film, you get one bite, and everyone has high expectations. You don't get any chance to fail.
It's difficult to develop a craft in that environment.